Five Things Not to Say to a Pregnant Woman

....And what you can say instead

mom waiting for baby

 

  1. "Are you sure you are 25 weeks?  You are so small/big!"  I hear this one a lot.  One mom was even asked if she was carrying twins because she was "so huge".  Nothing makes someone, who's body had undergone a major shift, feel more self conscious than being told how big they are or are not.   Everyone's body is going to change the way it changes, and that's okay.  As a general rule if it is not a compliment, don't say anything.  Try saying, "You look so beautiful today, that pregnancy glow looks great on you."

  2. "That can't be a boy, you are carrying like a girl, because my sister carried that way and it was a girl."  Or visa versa.  There is no science behind how a woman carries her baby and gender.  Please stop perpetuation old wives tales.  You are probably welcome to guess, but if you are wrong don't tell her that you know better because you don't have x-ray vision and can not see through her belly,  You could say, "I totally would have guessed a girl!  Congrats on your baby!"

  3. "Oh, you want to go medication free?  Just get the drugs, you'll be sorry if you don't."  I have even heard midwives say this from time to time.  I have seen it really shake the confidence of a mother who knew what she wanted for her birth, and felt completely unsupported because she didn't feel like others were cheering her on.  Lets lift each other up by making comments such as, "That is amazing that you don't want medication!  You are so strong." 

  4. "You are having an epidural?!?! Are you trying to kill your baby and have an emergency c-section???"  I am ashamed to admit that I once thought like this.  And then I became a doula.  If someone decides to have an epidural or any medication whatsoever, that is their choice.  It is not our place to judge because maybe we would have done it differently.  I have seen epidurals take moms who have been exhausted, stressed or suffering to being able to rest and open up and have their baby.  If a mom tells you she is having or had an epidural try, "We have so many awesome birth choices available to us these days."

  5. "Have you had that baby yet?"  I have heard a lot of moms who are just a few weeks away from their due date and everyone is asking them if they have had their baby already, or when they are going or have their baby.  One mom was even asked on her due date, by her father if she was going to be induced soon, despite the fact that she went a week over her due date with her previous pregnancy.  Lets not pressure moms to perform, babies will come when they are ready"You must be getting close, I bet you are excited to meet your new baby," is a great thing to say to a mom who is full term.